god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
