even my farts smell like vagina
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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