We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
