I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
