I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
