hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
