I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
