he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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