So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
