I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're facebook friends in real life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Randomize
