Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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