A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
