Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
