I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
