Banned from zoo.
Again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
