i think i have herpe
just one?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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