My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
