Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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