I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
