perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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