this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
did i just pee glitter
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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