im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
