Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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