May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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