textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
