i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
