bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
