I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
These tits shall not be calmed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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