Don't make out with my wife yet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
