Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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