thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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