Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
