mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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