its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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