how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
