Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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