Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
