Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
