I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
