And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
