im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
