did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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