this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
