I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is the high leading the old right now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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