Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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