I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So much rum. So many feels.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
