thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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