saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
