i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
