She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
