when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
