I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
