Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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