Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
