he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
