I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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