It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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