I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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