K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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