btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
