at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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