I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
