That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
