So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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