That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
