Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
