brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.