ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices