she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.