The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering