Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT