Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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(214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz

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(407): View more from Florida

It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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(407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous

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(304): I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous http://tfl.nu/zxmn

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?

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(508): There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun? http://tfl.nu/av48

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(510): View more from California

You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

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(510): You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen. http://tfl.nu/ldf9

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(269): View more from Michigan

He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

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(269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020

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(712): View more from Iowa

buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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(712): buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks. http://tfl.nu/xy6a

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(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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(404): Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge. http://tfl.nu/3ppt

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(773): View more from Illinois

SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.

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(773): SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS. http://tfl.nu/8a2r

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(210): View more from Texas

Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute

(1-210): View more from Texas

Hello cirrhosis

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(210): Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute (1-210): Hello cirrhosis http://tfl.nu/bpcm

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(917): View more from New York City

That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.

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(917): That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies. http://tfl.nu/z8d5

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now

(1-931): View more from Tennessee

You gays are geniuses

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(931): I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now (1-931): You gays are geniuses http://tfl.nu/19l5

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(214): View more from Texas

I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me

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(214): I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me http://tfl.nu/jsiz

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(773): View more from Illinois

okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

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(773): okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis. http://tfl.nu/pm2x

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice

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(306): so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground (306): and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice http://tfl.nu/0q9q

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