I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.