my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
