AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
