your room smells of hookers.
And success
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
