he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
