booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
