but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
