when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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